Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
