i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
