But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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