wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize