every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
