I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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