so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
