you didnt know i had herpes?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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