omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
