Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
