the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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