You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize