So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
