my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
