don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My liver just had a heart attack.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
