we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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