Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
