sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize