i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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