Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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