accomplished twins. life is a go
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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