FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
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