i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize