we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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