JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
