Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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