Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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