Got a toothbrush?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
