remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
