I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize