The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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