Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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