12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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