so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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