So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
