the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
