She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
