he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
