just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
