there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I believe in your delicious
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
