I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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