you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
