The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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