I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
