At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
