and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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