love makes seman taste better
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
