Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize