They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize