An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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