just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
