proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize