so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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