Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
