For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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