dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Randomize
