Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize