I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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