i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Randomize
