p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
