So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
