White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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