I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
