I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
