So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize