He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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