Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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