around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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