I got chris browned last night
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
