I met the friendliest cop last night
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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