I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
