I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
