I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I looked at my own cervix.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
